The name of my BBQ Team...Homer's BBBQ

Greatest. Mullet. Ever!!!

And you can vote for him to be the next US President!

Friday fun, used car ad

enjoy...

great, quick read on ribs and the "Texas Crutch"

"Meathead" at Amazing Ribs (follow him on Twitter @ribguy) is a fountain of wisdom. He also happens to be correct with his motto, "If you boil ribs the terrorists win." (read his other BBQ myths here) He just wrote an article which fully explains foil-wrapping ribs, a smoking method known as the "Texas Crutch." Lots of great info, and you can read it here.

Brisket 101, on a single page

great resource for everything you ever wanted to know about brisket, here.

"Your BBQ sucks!" Sincerely, Texas

For a few weeks I have lived a forlorn existence. Since returning from a trip to Central Texas and visiting a few BBQ establishments there I have a renewed sense of the sharply reduced quality of BBQ that we have here in Colorado. It may go without saying, but it is worth reminding ourselves that when it comes to BBQ, Colorado is an afterthought. And it shouldn't be that way. There is an outdoor, pioneer spirit in Colorado that aligns well with a BBQ culture. We have wonderful weather that lends itself quite well to outdoor cooking. We have an agricultural atmosphere that encourages eating beef. It just doesn't stand to reason that Colorado BBQ is so far behind where it should be. Far too often I eat ribs that are overcooked, or steamed, or boiled, or all of the above. Far too often I eat brisket that is chopped -- the cowards way out of learning how to smoke a brisket. Far too often I eat BBQ here with a meek, mild flavor. And far, far too often I eat poorly smoked Colorado BBQ that is disguised with thick, sweet sauce, or as I call it, "meat syrup." There is nothing wrong with bold BBQ flavor. There is nothing wrong with a strong smoke influence that may scare off women and children, but will win lifelong loyalty and adoration. If you want BBQ that will be recognized and remembered then be courageous! There is a market in Colorado that is DYING for BBQ that impresses. So far I have found nothing that even resembles a long-lasting, successful approach. Sure there are offerings that are good, some even really good, but nothing that will draw a crowd. People from Nebraska or Wyoming aren't driving to Colorado for "that" BBQ restaurant. And don't tell me it isn't possible, because it is. I went to just such a place in Taylor, Texas. The first person who can start this legacy will build themselves a BBQ empire in Northern Colorado that is begging to be built. Let's put Colorado BBQ on the map. Let's be bold!

prepare for Mueller's...possibly the greatest of them all

Later this week I will regale you stories from one of the Country's, nay, Planet's greatest BBQ treasures -- Louie Mueller's in Taylor, TX. Annually regarded as one of the Top 5 BBQ offerings in that state I had the honor of visiting with my brother, Captain Tex (CT). It was such an amazing lunch (they usually run out of food by dinner) that I am struggling to find the words to describe it. In the meantime, and to prepare yourself, I offer you a brief review of J Mueller's (third generation and brother of current Louie Mueller owner, Wayne Mueller) BBQ in South Austin. As Fat Artery starts off, "the apple didn't fall far from the tree."

BBQ package for Him AND Her!!!

If you love to BBQ but hate that it is lady repellant then this weekend may be for you.  The BBQ Bootcamp:

For over 60 years the Alisal has treated grilling as a fine art and now our executive chef Pascal Godé, with the help of legendary Grill Master and Hitching Post II owner, Frank Ostini, will help you hone your grilling skills.
Morning sessions will cover all the aspects of BBQ from the best way to start a fire to what to do with spice rubs; afternoons are free for horseback riding, golf or a visit to the spa; and evenings give you a chance to interact with local guest chefs and winemakers who will be on hand to create feasts designed to further fire-up your grilling passions.

When you propose the idea stress the word "spa," and remind her that there is an "Executive Chef" which is normally not associated with BBQ, and, AND! that he/she has a frenchy name.

When you come back please tell me what "traditional Santa Maria-style BBQ" is.

Time to bring your A Game Colorado

Colorado will soon have a new resident and it is important that we make him feel at home.  He grew up in Tennessee so he knows good BBQ.  Please join me in welcoming PEYTON MANNING!!!!!


I have been told by sources that Mr. Manning struggled with this decision.  It came down to Tennessee and Denver, and the quality of BBQ in TN is well documented.  But what of Colorado BBQ?  Who knows?  Where can one learn of the stylings and offerings of Colorado Que?  My source told me that Mr. Manning was comforted with the reviews and information he found here.  With his BBQ anxieties sufficiently assuaged, Mr. Manning picked up the phone and made the call.

New Menu Item

We at NocoBBQ.com are fans of BBQ, so when one of our highly rated restaurants has a new menu offering we get excited.  Richard the Cornhusker wandered into Serious Texas BBQ for lunch and discovered the burnt end brisket sandwich.  It may not be new to them, but it's new to us!  RC's rating is in, and he gives it 3 out of 5 stars, declaring it to be "a little dry."  Burnt ends aren't for everyone as that is the part of the brisket that is the thinnest and where the fat renders the least, but they are typically full of flavor.  So try for yourself!  Let us know what you think.

"This isn't Heaven, it's [San Diego]"

National Barbecue Association annual conference is this week in San Diego.  So there's one reason to go to California.

BBQ Restaurants, your attention please!

Invest a half hour on these videos.  Learn how to trim, but more importantly learn that if you smoke a brisket properly there is a rather enormous piece that can be sliced and served as real BBQ.  No need to "chop" or "pull" the entire brisket.  Please, PLEASE!  Save the cube for those of use who love sliced brisket.  Leave the chopped burnt ends and rendered fat for the unwashed, the bourgeoisie, the commoners.  Stop the madness and do it right.  If you choose not to I really, truly want your feedback.  Out of love and respect I want to know why otherwise good BBQ cookers chop their brisket.

Serious Texas opens new store in Fort Collins

You may have read our review on Serious Texas BBQ.  That may help explain why Fort Collins has reason to celebrate their newest location in Fort Collins.

Super Bowl Halftime, revisited

I simply do not understand how the NFL screws this up so consistently.  In December I chronicled the numerous failures that have historically marked this spectacle.  I failed to ask why the league flirts with provocation, especially after the famous "Wardrobe Malfunction."  It is simply inexcusable for an organization with nearly unlimited resources to be so consistently poor during their single biggest event every year.  This year was no different.

I will say upfront that my expectations for Madonna were very, very low.  For her to exceed them was almost a given.  The best I will say about the performance was it was wildly mediocre.  But that's not to say it was without controversy.  During the show some performer I don't know used her moment in the spotlight to get attention (pictures and video available here).  Now the PTC (who cut their teeth on the wardrobe malfunction incident) is demanding apologies and the NFL and NBC are tripping over themselves to assign blame and issue condolences.  Pity really.  I wish there was a mechanism to take the offending performer and immediately and irreversibly relegate her to irrelevance.  Her behavior is born of the very same desire that causes an infant to throw a temper tantrum -- it is a cry for attention.  She is an attention whore willing to do whatever it takes to get more people to acknowledge her.  When an infant does this it is expected.  When an adult does this it is shameful.  So, where is the shame?  Allow me to dole it out where it belongs:

5% of shame goes to NBC for their slow trigger-finger.  The video above shows the "blur" function was engaged about a half second too late.  I suspect the tech assigned to the "blur button" was bored and may have dozed off.  I don't blame them, I almost did too.  In fact I would have were I not busy trying to comprehend the song that was being performed, which admonished the tortured listeners over and over to "L - U - V MADONNA!  YOU KNOW YOU WANNA!"

10% of shame goes to the NFL.  You know that millions of fans are watching and this is the single biggest day of your year.  Why in the world you would play with fire by giving the camera to provocateurs like these is just incomprehensible.  There are numerous safe bets you can make, many of whom would have an even larger appeal.  So it's not like you're sacrificing quality for safety.  You can in fact have both!

55% of shame goes on the performer, a talentless child if there ever was one.

30% of shame goes to the public that allows performers like this offender to have any money or fame whatsoever.  If music fans find her behavior (of which I'm sure this is not an isolated incident) to be disturbing and not worthy of reward or recognition then they should not buy her music, ever.  The chances of this happening are smaller than the chances the NFL actually figures out the whole halftime performance thingy.  The attention whore made her point and probably has more fans now than she did before.  That's the world where we live which is why I am not bothered at all by the thought of leaving it.

Later this week, BBQ!

Another Fish out of Water

I really get a kick when food experts from the Northeast explore the BBQ tradition of the South[west] and tell their stories as if they have discovered water on Mars.  This is the second such exploration I have come across since the New Year (see previous blog here).  Common to these stories are:

• shock at the kindness and hospitality of the indegenous species
• appreciation for "real" BBQ
• relief when their nearly all-meat diet comes to an end

It like to read about BBQ and I hope these stories drive lots and lots of business to the restaurants that get the free publicity.  But it gives me some sense of unease.  It's like when you follow a small, local band that suddenly makes it big and you tell everyone that you knew them way back when.  But the band gets all popular and everyone starts to pay attention to them and it totally irritates your (selfish) desire to keep them all to yourself.

In this latest installment in the series I have come to call "Fish Out of Water - another Northeasterner discovers smoked meat," a 23 year old and her Father leave the comfort of subways, concrete and rudeness and travel an elongated loop from Manhattan to Austin.  The story was picked up by NPR, and there is an audio clip that I did not torture myself with.  The idea of listening to those condescending voices feign curiosity about BBQ is simply too much for me.

http://adventuresinbbq.tumblr.com/

But the blog is pretty good, and it reminds us of what we love about BBQ.  It's not just a perfectly smoked brisket and juicy, delicious ribs.  It's the culture of BBQ that makes it stand above the rest as uniquely American and wholesome and good.

Thanks to Molly and her Dad for a great BBQ story.

Texas in March, where to eat? (suggestions please)

I will be visiting the Texas Hill Country in March and am taking your recommendations on BBQ destinations.  Salt Lick is already on the itinerary.  What else do you suggest?  I have already heard from some of you that Smitty's in Lockhart is worth a visit.  What else?

Colonization redefined, an astronomical distraction (not BBQ)

Scientists recently discovered a planet which they believe has many of the same characteristics of Earth:  proximity to a star, holds water, thick atmosphere, moderate temperature range, etc.  This may be helpful for colonization when we destroy our own planet, goes the thinking.  One minor concern - it is 400 light years away.

So either we discover how to travel at light speed, 186,282 mi/second or 670,615,200 mph, in which case our ETA is still 400 years.

light speed - 186,282 miles per second

distance travelled in one year at that speed = 5,878,625,373,184 (a "light year")

400 light years = 2,351,450,149,273,600 miles (yes that's 2.4 quadrillion, or 2,351 trillion miles)

This would require forced, multi-generational family planning in-flight - the ultimate mile-high club - for a time spanning from the original Jamestown colony to now.

Short of travelling at light speed let's assume some improvement on modern technology.  The Space Shuttle  (r.i.p.) tops out at 27,000 mph.  Let's just about double that for grins and say we can move along at 50,000 mph.  In that scenario it would take us 5,364,922 years to land on Earth2.  Make sure the kids go potty before we leave!

So many things to consider, but the first that comes to mind is any scenario requires multiple generations of travellers.  Since the human race literally depends on its success many very interesting dynamics arise.  Like will there be designated "re-population" rooms, or will that be left to the spontaneity of the human spirit?  What about over population?  Resources will be precious and renewability will be limited so what happens when a human's usefullness is exhausted at, say, age 60?  What about education?  Ideally the original population would include scientists and doctors but how can one assure that knowledge will be transferred to successive generations?  Also keep in mind that whatever knowledge they leave with will be the only information they have, forever.  The exception would be of course their own imagination which I suspect will become increasingly limited given the paucity of any external sensory experiences.  Any potential Isaac Newton on board will not have an apple tree to sit under.

And worse of all, if we know one thing about humans it is that they will find a way to make weapons and go to war with one another.  That is a certainty.

Another certainty is that this project will never, ever work.  It is the ultimate departure from God's plan.  It isn't that He would doom it to failure out of jealousy or spite.  It is that mankind simply does not have the ability to function on our own, in His absence.  If there is any truth it is this, when we labor to become God's of our own destiny we have already failed.

Besides, we have great BBQ on this planet.  We need to figure out a way to continue the good thing we've got going.

Nordy's BBQ Review

now available, here.

Tebow BBQ, Pittsburgh style

Recipe of the week: one part faith, one part determination and one part refusal to fail.  Sprinkle with speed and persistence.  Slow-cook and enjoy the memories for a lifetime (click for video).

A Year of BBQ, Food Republic

The Food Republic is sending one of their writers on a year-long exploration of BBQ.  There are reasons to be suspicious of this effort, like:

• they are based in NYC (anyone remember the old Pace Picante sauce commercial?  "Get a rope.")
• the article somehow amazingly fails to even mention Texas BBQ
• the article somehow amazingly fails to drop names of any of the Lone Star state's amazing BBQ restaurants
• the author somehow amazingly failed to contact me for advice

Nevertheless the story is worth a quick read and possibly following up as the exploration proceeds.  Why?

• because numerous readers (including yours truly) contacted the writer and pointed out the glaring omission
• because the writer confirmed that Texas is on their BBQ itinerary
• because the website has good intentions (food stories for men)
• and mostly because it is about BBQ, so what can be wrong with that.

So here is the article.  I will keep you updated as their exploration continues.